Heart Attacking

I've never known I could turn emotional pain into physical abuse. And what's worse when physical abuse always escalates.

When I manage to stop emotional pain, physical pain comes in attacking my heart, the real and more painful to bear ones! I couldn't sit still in the office and had to walk around and stretch my body out with my hands lifted up high. Like having ants in my pants. Stress! Sabine also made a joke saying we both were a bit of the same, because we couldn't stop shaking our legs while sitting in front of the computer lol. Yea I told her, I just can't have my ass sticked on the chair for too long =p

I learn from the internet of how chest pain would normally occur and so on. So I took things real slow in the office today, and kept telling myself: Don't stress, Don't rush, Do it slowly, relax a little; you still have your weekends to get them done, and finally, THANK GOD IS FRIDAY! Judy says it out loud on every Friday, whenever in Sabine's absence lol

Okay... new hair-do would be completely done soon. Always love black hair! Hope it would last longer this time after all the money paid!

Never ending pain; Never healing wounds

Haven't I realised it? Hello! It's so obvious now

that cut is deep; it takes time to heal. I know

It's all about times. Only then we'll realise

Oh, have I gone too far with it? Perhaps.

Where's my magic spells. In your dream

stop looking at each other! It's all about times

Fix it before it's too late or don't you deny it. I'll try to fix

Those pains; what if I could leave the pain half-way through?

I miss home, I miss my parents

too much

24.02.2008

I close my eyes and start to count:

whatever I've done & learned

places I've been & things I've seen

throughout the past 5 months

I know I'm counting blessings

they are Blessings from God

time's running out

what's next, I can't wait!

What A Coincident!

As I was saying yesterday (in the previous post) I don't like looking myself in the mirror!

This morning... ... ...

Scorpio (by Metro)
"A minor blip in self-confidence finds you backing out of a commitment you had been looking forward to. Come on! What's that all about? Look in the mirror and tell yourself how incredible you are."

I felt the rush of "pain" running through my body when I read this. Indescribable pain. I don't believe 100% in Horoscope. But I like reading them though. They make me feel appreciated sometimes (I only remember the good things mentioned; always forget about the bad ones lol)

Beauty vs Brain

What do you think is important in life BEAUTY or BRAIN? One person asked me this when I was 17. Without much thought I answered him: BEAUTY! So you would give up BRAIN for BEAUTY? I said YES.

Beauty is important for a woman; and I adore natural beauty. Many sexy beautiful ladies out there, and they make me hate it (hate the fact that beauty is so important to me but I don't hate them) and I have to turn to God everytime asking him isn't this unfair. A second later, an answer shoots my head: "Work your best out with your BRAIN, since Beauty is not in everything for you."

I hesitate for a moment, and think this is true. Those who have got both Beauty and Brains ,they're just too lucky; those with only Beauty, please make use of it; those without beauty are unlucky, they have to work hard with their only asset - Brains. And how unlucky, I'm under this category! Purely my own opinion.

walking with my head down

prefer to see myself in shadow, definitely

not looking myself in the mirror

I run my fingers through my hair; saying in heart

Thank God we have brains

my one and only greatest asset

^^

Sleepy Friday

I'm freaaaaaaaaaking sleepy, could barely have my eyes open now. The lady boss is sitting right in front of us and I'm pretending busy typing some important documents here =p better pray she will never realise I have a blog lol

A lot more to finish (too much now and many more to come) but online shopping is getting greater now! I bought some stuff again hehe =) Now am starting to worry if I would receive the item successfully, or not. I got this little phobia to receiving parcels; sometimes they might go MIA without any notice. But when it comes to me later I will be like a little girl opening the parcel as if I'm going to be very surprised by it lol. Mind you, this is due to my feeling of loneliness at home haha

For Nadiau:
So, I was quite upset this morning! I forgot to bring my Slingbag, I felt so lonely in the bus lol I don't bring Slingbag on the weekends; I hope I'll not miss it on next Monday wakakakaka

Need to grab sth for lunch! tata

How Time Flies

Every morning I wake up, look at the clock

staring blankly at the date thinking how time flies

and much remember what goes on from week to week

NEVER allow myself to waste a single second or time

hoping to have more progressions made in life, because

I remember mommy often said to me when I was still in primary school:

"live your life to the fullest and you would have no regrets at all"

"Don't owe anyone anything in life; if they ask for 1, try to give them 2. Then you would have all the credits and they definitely have to respect you"

"Be independent. Never rely on anyone else, not even your husband - but us (parents) and yourself"

I didn't appreciate her words when I heard what I was told but throughout the years, mommy's been working really hard, especially for her one & only most beloved daughter. Mommy and papa never sat me down with my homeworks [I'm not lying, I really NEVER had it during my childhood]. But their undying love for me have always had my wings sprouted and I rise up high to the sky, circling in laps of delirious joy =) I know it's just another way of communication in my family.

By the way, who says children will only be good when they were brought up in a super-duber loving family background? Who says sharing stories about your family 24/7 means you have a loving family? Haven't you heard of intangible & unspoken love? And pls don't say "you, the spoilt brat" when one is the only child, or I shall feel really shame for those who are still spoilt/dependent although having siblings

YES. I mean it!

We want a 'relax' Friday

It's friday, relax a little!

Scorpio (from Metro Paper)
"it's not important that it's Friday, or it's February, or that it's 2008. Think way ahead. This is a day for making long term future plans. What actually goes on today is almost an irrelevance."

See... that's y I can't concentrate my mind at work today. I'm missing home loads. It's CNY and I miss all of them. I wish I were in Perlis, enjoying CNY with my maternal relatives.

And finally I got a chance to talk to mommy just now. The first thing I said to her: "So, you're really cruel to me, aren't you? you have not spoken to me since you'd received my parcels a few days ago." lol. She then laughed out loud on the phone =) Miss her loads!

Off work soon hehe. Haven't got enough sleep... definitely need more sleep tonight!!!

second beautiful LATE

35 minutes late for work on the first day. Big deal you thought?

What about AN HOUR LATE for work on the second day then? Very big deal huh??? Let all the Londoners praise the Jubilee tube Line on its suspensions this morning due to power failure, apparently; I thought they were on strike Fu-yoh!!! I was freaking disappointed... and thinking how bad luck it was for me early in the morning and my second day of work. And in the end I had to come back to my area and take a cab to work and was an hour late!

Luckily when I walked into the office, the manager lifted up his head and looked at me, said "I know, I know it was real bad, the Jubilee line." I pretended to look as if I'd been shocked and said: "well, did you get affected as well???" lol. Saying that was actually to distract myself from looking at the lady boss who was busy as ever sitting at her place dealing with business. I took a deep breath, chilled for a second, fingers on the keyboard and started to work.

Colleagues are really helpful and I feel the sense of belonging even though it was just my second day after I'd started. No selfishness. Everything went well for me in the workplace and haven't had myself in any difficulty, yet! lol

French class was getting tougher; and I'm feeling a bit lost in the class but Magali is a good teacher I would say. Pretty. Sweet. Sound Romantic and I think she is one lol She always knows it when I'm lost; probably it says on my forehead lol =p

French is like a pop-culture in London. 2 colleageus of mine are currently learning French as well =) and you wouldn't believe it. The manager sitting opposite me is with a birthday the same as mine, 30th Oct. We were like... How funny! haha And they are all Horoscope readers!!!!! wakakkakakakaa

And I missed the reunion dinner. Papa was 'begging' me to come home to join the reunion dinner on Skype =/ How lovely but real silly. He even said he would pay the company when I take a day or half day off. This' hilariously ridiculous I said.

Gong Xi Fatt Chai people! & Ang Powssss I miss them.... oh, my dearest mommy had couriered ang pows over to me and Nadia. How sweet. But this smart woman put in 100 Ringgit, not Pounds and I wonder what's the use then. =P

Beautiful First Day

The first day of having myself stepping in to the English corporate world... In the middle of working, I would pinch myself a little to make sure it's real, and try looking around the floor to find my briefcase (the one being mentioned earlier on & only if I really brought one to work; in your dream baby!!!!) wakakakakakakakaka =p

I will be meeting more colleagues tomorrow. Can't wait to see Paul again; he seems like a really kind one since Judy has been praising him so much in front of me and yea I met him once during the interview I thought he's easy to play with. Judy is such a nice chap and really she's real (real as in being her true-self and not pretending *2 thumbs up for her*).

You wouldn't believe me if I told you I was 35 minutes late for work on my first day. A huge thank to the Tube; something serious happened in Westminster apparently. I was kept in the tube for almost an hour. And when it started moving it was like a turtle walking in the park... damn pissed-off. Of course, I was sooooooooooooooo frustrated and hoping to buy a car soon lol... don't worry, this comes up to my mind whenever there's something wrong with the public transports in London. But Judy's kinda polite when she saw me this morning, she said: "it's okay... it's normal to be late sometimes. Doesn't matter!" But not until I saw my lady boss... lol she didn't say anything. She's smiling at me when I walked in and quickly stood up to welcome me for few seconds and then got back to her seat and started typing. She seems alright to me =)

Emmm... I'm looking forward to working with these folks! I know I'll be learning a lot from them; because whatever Judy told me to do she'd end with this sentence - doing this will enhance your CV/portfolio in future - and I am more hungry than ever.

Okay, gtg. Need to google how to use Adobe Indesign. I think Judy plans to get my hands dirty with those look-quite-complicated graphic works. *sweat*

pok-pok pok-pok (heartbeat sound)

I can't wait for tomorrow. My heart beating faster whenever I think of it. Yes, joy penerated my heart; meantime fear is starting to overwhelme my heart, too.

And very silly, silly of me to think that I should have bought a mug early and bring it to work tomorrow, simply because I like marking my own stuffs in the office waakakakkaakkaaaa =p

What's more, I actually hope to get myself an immaculate briefcase... My mind tells me to stop, stop getting myself into a bigger picture than usual and focus on other things first.

I wanna keep myself really really busy from tomorrow onwards. I like learning and admire contribution. Self-satisfaction not guaranteed; but it's been a while since I tasted it. I would love to do it again, why not!

My simple wish says: Everyone will like my work. That's it!

and Praying hard!!!! =)

Scored again? The familiar faces...

Killer instinct...

Wonderful pace...

Great communication...

The Arsenal, on top at the table, again =)

and Cesc Fabregas had another goal on his account.

He, No.9

simply makes my brows creased with mouth opened wider, & I'd stare admiringly;

wonder what's inside him really that could deliver such beautiful skills

No.9 Eduardo