Missing
Feeling very uneasy. If I knew that would be the last time I'd give him a hug before I left... If only I knew that's the last time I'd wanna hear him speak for a bit longer. Thinking how imperfect it would be not seeing him in that little house the next time I go back. One thing I'd never failed to do whenever I first stepped into the house - To Greet Him; "Ah Gong, hello".
He's a fortuneteller and I used to see many strangers in the house sitting in the living room waiting to meet him during chinese new year. Remember when I was a little girl neighbours of the other end saw me, she wondered which family I was from I was thinking whether to tell her my full name or... but I go I'm from the 'Ang' family, just few doors next to hers. She then smiled and told me my grandpa's full name. I went to mummy told her what had just happened. She goes ah gong is a very famous fortuneteller, of course people know his full name. Ahhh got it now. Since then I always describe him as 'the popular fortuneteller, and and, he's my grandpa'.
I like my chinese name cause it's given by him. It means a lot to me; every word has a meaning, perfectly defined by him. Used to ask him for some tips getting straight A(s) in exams when I was young lol but he always goes getting A in exams doesn't mean anything to you, ur meant for sth greater in life. Often there's some kinda communication barrier between us, wish I could speak better Hokkien, wish I got to know him better too...
Wondered he'd ever thought of me for a second before he left... been asking mummy about this cause I really wanted to know. Mummy said we shouldn't worry about this now and be happy for him that he left peacefully. True. Burst into tears when papa broke the news to me. couldn't believe that just happened; I wasn't there in the funeral, I wasn't there to cheer mummy up; I could only imagine - who what when where how!
Everything seemed too late now. I wish I had a time machine DOINK. If I had a chance to say one more thing to him, I would say thank you - you did make us so proud and I'm happy for you're my ah gong.
