A long update!

Hold on and don’t shed any tears… I told myself to be strong

That’s the message reading on my mind when I was walking down the escalator in KLIA; leaving my most beloved parents behind has so far been the toughest thing ever in my life.

So many things were crossing on mind for that few seconds. I wished I could have cared for them more; I wished I could stop the time, and so, I’d give them a massive hug and kiss before I leave! I didn’t even say goodbye or anything to them as I was walking away. Because I could feel as though a tidal wave of tears is rising up behind my eyeballs. Then only I knew this’ a real, real painful decision of my life. I did not look back either and every step I walked the tears started falling secretly.

My most precious gifts from God!

I have never done anything like this before. It’s painful to leave my loved ones; and that’s still the way I feel it whenever I think about them now. And again, I hold back tears and still acting tough.

The pain within my heart healed my greatest phobia for that short moment. As if I was flying without much fear for the first time, but, there was pain all over! I read the letter which darling wrote to me but I only managed to read the first line. Tears started to well in my eyes and then I laid the letter down because I’ve known myself well enough; I know it couldn’t stop once it gets started. I miss him so much and have always loved him 100% with all my heart.

After awhile I took out the present Cyaujiun bought me. When I thought of the moment how we cried the day before when we said goodbye to each other I can’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks again; I quietly wiped it and prayed for calm. But that present had put a smile on my face in the end. It’s just too lovely! Being the usual Cyaujiun… we should know the present is playing its ‘lebih’ role (the contents she wrote in there), but at the same time you will feel so warm by just looking at it!

A lovely Diary Book =)

When the plane had touched down I quickly gave papa a call. I knew he must have been waiting badly for my call back at home. When the call got through the first thing he told me was to stay calm, not to be afraid, read the signage and find the exit. But I wanted to tell him… I’m alright pa. I’m a big girl now I won’t get panic over some small stuff. But I couldn’t get the words out because my eyes were again feeling hot and watery when I heard his voice over the phone. His voice was so sweet I thought; I wished I didn’t come here and stay by his side forever!

After I picked up my luggage I finally met Nadia and Gilbert and they took me home. Then as we began a little on stories about the school, accommodation and things that they’d been through in my absence before this I started to have doubts in my journey this time. It seemed so imperfect at one point of time that I thought I might have made the wrong choice to come over. On the other hand there’s nothing much I can do but to make do it with.

I cried so badly in my room that night. It was the worst night ever in my life. I miss the time when chatting with my mommy before our going-to-bed-soon time. I miss ‘poking’ her fats and telling her how necessary it is for her to loose some weight before she plans to share some clothes with me… I miss my papa when he nags, nags and nags hehe *_*

I miss my darling; the bond between us is just great, our love is intangible yet we feel it. It’s not just about being in the relationship with him but is about the things that we share with each other everyday as if they are never gonna end. People might not see or know it but deep inside us there’s a message where it says: look, you now have each other; work it out or else you will miss it!

I heart you so much baby

I miss my dogs… no one will ever love them like I do. They must be feeling lonely without me being by their sides! I feel so sorry for them. I miss my besties… I feel so blessed because at long last I found some true friends throughout my entire life.

They are part of my life...

Who else! ~ my bestest besties

I cried and cried and cried on that lonely night. I couldn’t stop crying and I quickly opened my bible and hoped I could feel better soon. And believe it or not, when I opened my bible my eyes just fell onto this phrase – ISAIAH 41:13. For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

But this time I cried even more because I suddenly felt so much love knowing that God has never neglected to see my needs and He has always been working out my things for me. And I’ve always told God I’m so afraid I’ll lose all the good things that I’m having now because in future I might not be able to bear those ‘pains’ when I wasn’t trained to handle them during my younger time. I don’t know… life’s been really beautiful in the past 20 years. Maybe it’s time for me to learn to live on my own and really, really, really be independent through this hard-time.

Well, I love my apartment at first sight and I’m proud to tell you that: yea… it is one the nicest apartments which you could hardly find in town. But life is kinda boring because there isn’t any nightlife at my area here. Perhaps there’s some but I feel it is so dangerous to go out at night because the street seems so quiet and dark at night. And shops close at 6pm everyday; whereas on Sunday most shops are not open.

My Apartment

I travel by bus and tube everyday and I walk a lot more than before. It has totally changed my life. I miss those days when I drove around in my Jazz. Comfy seat, chilling air-conditioner, own privacy, no noise…. So Nice! And my toe was bleeding alongside the nail the other day due to walking too much I guess lol

Ouch... it's painful!!!

Everyday, I’m waiting for Pa & Mommy to call, if they don’t call me by 6pm I will call them; SMS darling every morning & night and whenever I’m free. We also make video call with MSN or Skype. I might not have so much time to run this after I start school later but I just hope to keep some of my “daily routine” going as normal as possible here in London. I don’t wanna lose it as those to me are something important. You know what that means don’t you.

There are few popular shopping areas in London. Things are so expensive here. For instance, their “national brand” - Topshop is a lot more expensive than those in KL. I wonder why!!! And needless to say, it’s really expensive to live in the heart of the city.

I’ve been to my school. It’s alright. Not much thing to whine about as I’ve always said there’s no turning back… once in a life time that I must deal with it huh! I’ll be starting class on the 15th Oct. I used to have a bunch of good classmates who care and share – IAA58, forever and the one I will always miss! So this time I’m not so sure about my future classmates. I mean it’s an international school I’m sure I will get to meet many different people ^.^ Being able to meet my every expectation has so far been my main concern about the school and its management.

It’s crazy weather here, sometimes too cold; sometimes I feel quite warm… and sometimes I get a runny, stuffed up nose; sometimes I feel hot and stuffy when I’m in the bus or tube! There are nights when the wind is so cold and I feel so lonely! I’m doing my best here anyway!

I cook my own meals, and sometimes Nadia’s too! And I’m looking for easy convenience cooking recipes. So far my favourite dish has been ABC soup + spaghetti. It’s yummy, healthy and easy preparations. I also gotta wash my own clothes =( but washing machine has made life easier for me though. lolz =p

Spaghetti with ABC soup + Ribenna

My usual reading companions were the internet but it has finally changed when I came here. Reading the newspapers has recently been my biggest entertainment at home. Everyday we receive and collect all different papers from the tube stations. And there’s no TV at my place. Apparently, there are lots of things to be done in order to get a TV here. They need TV license, channel subscriptions and so forth. Very pathetic, indeed, to live without a TV, especially during the weekends where football matches are held. Before I came here people always teased me by saying “wow staying in London… you’ll get to watch many live football matches or you’ll get to watch in their stadiums... bla bla bla"
Buddy, life isn’t that perfect okay!!! I’m checking http://www.livescore.com/ for football live scores every Saturday and Sunday. I feel it’s so near yet so far. And I’m looking for some TV online programme where I can watch live football matches on my PC for FREE!

This is my second week of living in what they claim the modern city - London. I’ve always tried to have my comfort zone appears to be unchangeable after moving here meanwhile am also expanding it so that I’ll be accustomed to living in this big and busy city.

I think so far I’ve acclimatized myself well and coped well with the life here. For this I must credit Nadia and Gilbert, the Chee Family lolz. Without their guidance and advice I wouldn’t have done so well now. Thank you so much =) and Gil, Nadia & I think our home is quieter now after you’ve gone back to KL. So sad!!!

Oh yea… I finally QUIT! Maybe I should give myself another month probationary period to reassure that I’ve totally got rid of it. But, you know… please trust me; when I say Quit means it’s totally gone yea! My parents’ love for their only daughter has been incredible. I couldn’t take them for granted anymore and I love them all; that’s one of the reasons I wanted to quit. After all, for God’s sake, I quit. Quitting makes life difficult at first and I still feel the temptation of it everyday; somehow I’d been doing it in the past 5 years; but thank God, He just keeps me going stronger each and everyday =) And I’m happy with that.

This’ life, isn’t it. Life is like a riddle; you need to find the answer in order to live because there’s a reason for everything.

By the way, pictures are on its way!!! ^.^